it rained.

why all things should matter if you already have it all? a pastor once said, we only can start to love our lives when we can start to be grateful with what we have.
that is what im struggling with. to be grateful with the things that i haven't noticed i had before; to be grateful for those experiences, mistakes, memories, and those people around me.
especially to forgive those people who hurt you, who back stabbed you, who fake-laughing and fake smiling at you and knowing that they are your close friends. well at least, that's what you think.

but then again, that's life. it is not something good to enjoy, it is not easy and it is very much a struggle. and for that reason, i finally found my firm foundation. and that is where i am now.
i thank Him for that. for every reason He has, in order to get me here, i am so grateful. i have no idea whats going on now. i have no idea whats going on tomorrow.
there were so many things happened lately. i have so many things to worry about today right here right now at this moment. i whined about it. i cried about it. i cursed everyone and everything. i even gave up.

but the time has come, when it rained on me. so hard. so powerful. and it left me breathless. rejoiced. and fully-satisfied. it rained on me.

it is now i realize that i have a journey to walk onto; its not an easy one. it is a journey where i have to decide where my destination is, who to go with, and what are the things that i want to bring along in the journey.

again, im clueless. i need someone to bring the lights to me. i need someone to go with along the way; to walk, to run or to hold hands with.
cos i know theres gonna be dark times; the time when i fall, the time when im too tired of walking, too tired of wandering around and the time when i lost my direction again.
thats when i need the lights. need the presence. need the drink for my thirst. when i need a hand to hold onto.

ive got to be ready, for the time has come. when everything is ready for me. where everything is just beautiful. where everything is just at the right place, the right time; then i will realize that i've found the right person. it is when everything is just perfect they way they are.

and this is where i wanna be. here. only here. when its raining down. so hard.
its getting me ready. and im so ready. and im so ready to be found.