christian songs rawks!

yes, Christian songs rawks!

for these past few months, ive been listening to some Christian bands, and im now in love with them. i used to think that christian songs are just those praise and worship songs, which sometimes i found quite boring. but well, a bit of contemporary Christian bands like Lifehouse and Switchfoot have changed my point of view. telecast, Mercy me, Relient K, The Wedding, Delirious?, Casting Crowns, Kutless, Parachute,... whoaa, the list goes longer than you know. haha.

those bands are really great bands. i would love to see them perform live. well, i did for Parachute band. thanks to my beloved City Harvest Church for bringing them here last week and i had a blast! im pretty sure they are too. poor thing i couldnt stay for three services cos i had to work. but well, i believe theres gonna be a lot more to come. :)

a short review for the Parachute band 2007, theyre all commited to their local churches and to honouring God in their lives and music, these boys are the new face of Parachute.

theyre from New Zealand and theyre really good. trust me. the presence of God just flow as you sing along with them. FYI, i spoke to the keyboardist, Allister, saying that they had a great performance and he was really nice asking my name and we shook hand. :)

one of the acoustic band that i love the most is Telecast.

lovely acoustics songs they have. i think Josh white is a great singer and song writer. their first album that i bought is 'Eternity is Now', and the very first song that captured my attention is the last song, which is 'Building a Sorrowful Loveliness'. sooo nice. it talks about how you find God in the midst of darkness or brokenness in your life. what a lovely lyrics they have. ;)

moving on to switchfoot.

i would say one word. FABULOUS! i love the front man, Jon Foreman. hes so talented and all the songs he wrote are amazing. i love ' dare you to move', 'let that be enough', and twenty-four'. switchfoot rocks! :)

well, i have a lot more reviews coming. nothing really important actually. i just simply love music and try to introduce them to people who havent heard about great Christian music. so Christian Music is not boring ok? so change your mindset!

yours truly,
.amanda natalia.

a little piece of me

the other day, my friends and i were hanging out together and talking about music, favorite bands, and so on. then someone was asking about whose concert we would love to go before we die. Adeline, who has been to so many rock concerts (Muse, The Strokes, etc.. *shes sooo lucky!), yelled for Coldplay, while yee mun wanted John Mayer and myself, i voiced out for Lifehouse. but wait! i would die for Coldplay and John Mayer too. argh! too much good music :)

speaking of my friend adeline, i guess shes a real music junkie. my first friend here that i can really talk about music cos she knows alot of bands, especially indie bands. makes me miss my old times talking about music and only music with couple of old friends. well, i cant label myself as a music junkie actually. i do love music, mostly any, and back in old days, i was the only girl that can talk about music to my guy friends. i was the only person they came to when they need to make mixed cds or maybe songs selection, or even in the car, i always take charge of the music. hehe.it was fun! i love music. i used to know the latest music updates and gossip about my favorite bands and singers. just to name a few, Lifehouse, Goo Goo Dolls, Oasis, Our Lady Peace, Snow Patrol, Jason Mraz, Holly Brook, John Mayer, Michael Buble... *phew alot more.
well, as you can see the bands that ive listed out, those are mostly acoustics, alternative, and jazz. im not a hiphop or r&b kinda person, but a little bit of love Rihanna and Ne-Yo is good. i think theyre awesome.

so, back to the topic.
last week, i was sitting beside Adeline in human comm class after my speech (one of the best presenters of the day, people! wohoo! :D), then i asked for song recommendation from her. she asked me to list out my 5 favorite bands, she took out her iPod to let me listen to couple of songs. theyre really great, i think. she recommended me these 10: A Fine Frenzy, Priscilla Ahn, Athlete, Rilo Kiley, Vega 4, the Go! Team, The Magic Numbers, Let's Go Sailing, Maximo Park, The Perishers, and Gomez. oh i love The Perishers! well, i havent heard of most of those names but when i listened to the songs, yeah, Janice would definitely say that those songs are so me. haha. oh how i miss my chickas.

oh yeah. for those of you who havent heard of Holly Brook (if you dont know who she is, shes the girl who sang the 'where'd You Go?' with Fort Minor), shes not that commercialized and thats why i love her. besides that, shes very simple but she has a very nice voice. shes so lovely. try to listen to her songs. youre gonna love it. two of my favorites are "Curious" and "Like Blood Like Honey".the kind of songs to listen to when youre not in any mood state. haha pardon this emo missy :)

oh how i miss spending hours by hours on talking and listening to music with couple of old friends. one thing that i regret the most is that im not able to play instruments, yet. oh why did i have to drop my keybaord and guitar class last time? (i got free guitar practise from church last time you know? and i blew it off!). oh blamed it on the tuition. argh!

ehm speaking of the past, i was once thinking of being a song writer. hahaha yeah i know it sounds crazzzyyyy! well FYI, i used to write poems when i was in junior high; and most of them can be used as song lyrics i guess. believe it or not, my friends and i had the thought of writing a teenage inspirational book. ehm, it all started when we all were in charge of class wall posts and we're so proud of it cos actually quite many students come to our class to see them during break time. you couldnt be happier than that.

yes, those are great memories from the past and sadly, we never finish the book. yes, we had done some stuff. quite emo stuff actually. it was about love, hope, friends, and family. you know how hormones can effect teenagers at that point of time. haha. well, my point is that i used to love to write a lot. i was a creative writer and an editor last time for wall posts and i did some stuff for junior high yearbooks and couple of other stuff. not only that, i was also did quite a good job in organizing some basketball competitions and events in high school. it took a whole lot of effort and risks but here i am right now, thanking God for so many things i have achieved in my young age. im so proud of myself of being a representative of the children of God.

now, seeing myself not-so-busy as i used to be, im actually quite discouraged. but well, i believe that God is giving me time to manage things, to put everything together again so i wont be missing any piece of my puzzle of life. faith, love, the hope, family and friendship are the best treasures in the whole world. ive never been greater. ive never been happier. never been more grateful, cos i believe i will have alot more than i could've asked for. and the best is yet to come.

Praise the Lord!
Psalm 71:6 for me :)

let that be enough

I wish I had what I needed to be on my own
Cause I feel so defeated and I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so helplessAnd I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunsetWith nowhere to land
And all I see It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow, no one here could know
I was born this Thursday 22 years ago
And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

let that be enough-switchfoot

19.

im now nineTEENnnnnn. *sigh. i used to love being older when i was a little. but now!?! friends keep saying that this is the last year of my -teen :( but no worries. next year im still gonna be twenTEEN :) hehe
oh man! im definitely older.


btw, so many thanks to my lovely friends who blindfolded me for more than half an hour in the car (dizzyyyy!), which in the end, ended up in pris house. kinda predictable you know? haha but we had fun doing props. more fun when the event itself came. the soup factory was great. even my friend felix said its really good. so *cheers to all of your good job. im proud of HUC CF! :)

also thanks a lot for those SMS. it did lighten up my day :)
plus, thanks to Tim for the teddy. omg i cant believe the outfit is hand-made. thanks tim! very thoughtful :)
but i miss my chickas. a lot.


i *heart you guys :)

well, the most important thanks goes for God. ive had the best life, the best parents, sister, and the best friends that i could ever have. its been a great year. i learned a lot. now im still learning to put myself together again. so im gonna need a hand for that. thanks for everything :)
Is 58:11 and 2Tim 3:15 for me

until next year :)

infatuation

okay.
so its 8 years gap.
what do you say?








song in my head: infatuation by Maroon 5

*sigh
this is not right, is it?

max lucado and life.

For these past few weeks, ive been reading two of max lucado's books. both are fantastic! Max Lucado really knows how to put words together and make it really really nice. the way he uses analogies to describe something, perfecto!

the first book i read is "a love worth giving". its basically talking about a different view of love based on the scriptures (1 Corinthians 13). it talks about how apostle Paul see and experience love himself and how he loves others. his question is "are you low on love?" how far would you go for love? cos loving others is never easy. could we be missing a step? go and find the answer from the book. no regret!

the second book, the cure for the common life. it talks about how God made you so wonderfully unique. the very first chapter says," you are you-nique." use your uniqueness to make a big deal out of God in everyday of your life. max also tells about how you to find the sweet spot in your life, that God never called you to be anyone other than you. if you are arent you, we dont get you. the world misses out. that is how special you are in God's eyes. "He makes me who i am and remind me of who im living for. the cure of the common life begins and ends with God. He cures the common life by giving no common life, by offering no common gifts. do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can" (Lucado, 2005). dont discount the smallness of your deeds! trust your little deeds.


its great that i finally found back my passion in reading again. i remember the last time i tried to read the same book, i thought it was just another boring book. but it turns out to be a blessing for me. also to a friend of mine. thanks to God. by the way, my sister just bought another book. 3:16. hope its gonna be another great books.

im looking forward to buy another books from max lucado. i went to salvation bookstore in summit the other day and i saw a lot of max lucado's. not easy to find. i found travelling light, i read the review and i think its really good. its about letting go of your burden and come to Christ to find your rest - from matt 11:28. anyway, the other books like facing your giants and come thirsty are also another bravo books i think. they're all not the latest but i think its good if i can collect all of them. :)

by the way, for these upcoming four months, my church has started the building fund. ARISE & BUILD (future unlimited). RM 1,6 million. im nervous. we're all nervous. but i know that we all will be able to fulfill it for the House of God. i pledge for a certain amount that i have to make myself work hard. i hope its worth it. well, i know it will be worth it. thanks to my friend, she helped me to find a part-time job. yesterday was my first day of working. the job involves approaching people, or in details, moms. haha. dont ask me what my job is. the thing is, the pay is good. even though i have to work 16 hours on weekends, have to be really patient with silly customers, plus, on the first day of my work, i couldnt believe that i took the job because it is not something that i usually do. i felt like i dont belong there and i was quite embarrassed if my friends show up and see me. even my mom laughed when she heard the news. but then again, im doing this not for myself, not for anyone, but for God. as in 2 Sam 24:24, David says "i wont give offerings to God that cost me nothing." so, whatever things cost me by taking the job, i'll take it. cos im doing it for God and i'm gonna try my best.

til later.

current mood: grateful
current song: history maker

one.

not be bitter over life's disappointment. learn to let go of the past. don't be afraid to stumble. because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. who knows where the life will take you? the road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination.

homesick

You're in a better place, ive heard a thousand times. and at least at thousand times, i've rejoiced for you. but the reason why i'm broken, the reason why i cry is how long must i wait to be with you. i close my eyes and i see your face. if homes where my heart is then i'm out of place. Lord, won't You give me strength to make it through somehow. i'll never be more homesick than now.

Help me Lord, cos i dont understand Your ways. the reason why i wonder if i'll ever know. but even if You showed me, the hurt would be the same. cos i'm still here, so far away from home. i'll close my eyes and i see your face. if homes where my heart is, then i'm out of place. Lord, won't You give me strength to make it through somehow. i'll never be more homesick than now.

In Christ, there are no goodbyes. in Christ, there is no end. so i'll hold on to Jesus with all that i have, to see you again. to see you again. and i'll close my eyes and i'll see your face. if homes where my heart is then i'm out of place. Lord, wont You give me strength to make it through somehow. wont You give me strength to make it through somehow?
i'll never be more homesick than now.


i'll miss you, grandpa.

current song: homesick by mercy me

live for tomorrow

a better me for a better tomorrow.

for that reason, i want to apologize.
its not easy for me to say this, dont even know how to put this. i know i'll chicken out to say it face-to-face to the person. but i hope this makes me feel a bit better. maybe when the time comes, i will say it face-to-face.

CHAPTER 1 (family)
for the first person, my dad.
i apologize for what i've done. i've put you into too much problems. i was so mad at you when you blamed me for what has happened. i didnt get it. so i blamed you. im sorry for being so selfish and childish. but now i know. i should've left the past cos its the past. i want to give you the benefit of the doubt once again. its very hard, always hard. but i want you to know that its worth it. i know it is. i love you, dad. i forgive you.

*song: Emotionless by Good Charlotte

for my sister, the best ever.
im sorry for everything ive done. its great having you in my life. the way you live your life has changed me a lot. ive finally seen what is more to life than ive ever before. you are my inspiration. i thank God for everything that i am so grateful i have a sister in my life, the one and only true sister, the best. thanks for your prayers, your love, thanks for taking care of me all these times. thanks for everything.

*song: someone watching over me by hilary duff

for my mom, i miss you so much.
i miss you mom. every second of my life i'll be missing you. sorry for what ive done. i was a stubborn kid to you. im sorry, but the truth is, i dont regret it cos that is what makes me today. my selfishness and rebellion have put you into too much worry. i love you, mom. i love you too much.

*song: thank you, mom - Good Charlotte

counting down the days

You were right and i don't wanna be here. If your gonna be there, was that supposed to happen. I'll hold tight, i'll remember to smile. Though it has been a while and without you does it matter. There's no room, no place to start. When our souls are apart, i wanna travel through time. See your surprise, hold you so tight. I'm counting down the days tonight. I just wanna be a million miles away from here. I'm counting down the days. How've you been, it's just the usual here and days are feeling like years, and every day's without you. Now I cry,just a little too much. When I think of your touch and everything about you, i feel cold, i'm in the dark. When our souls are apart, i wanna travel through time. See your surprise, hold you so tight. I'm counting down the days tonight. I just wanna be a million miles away from here. I wanna travel through time. See your surprise, hold you so tight. I'm counting down the days tonight. I just wanna be a million miles away from here, i'm counting down the days, i'm counting down the days, i'm counting down the days. I'm gonna be your surprise, i'm gonna hold you so tight. Yeah, i wanna travel through time. See your surprise, i'd hold you so tight. I'm counting down the days tonight. I just wanna be a million miles away from here. I wanna travel through time. See your surprise, i'd hold you so tight. I'm counting down the days tonight, i just wanna be a million miles away from here. A million miles away from here.

current song: counting down the days-natalie imbruglia
so very blessed :)

*He's been as faithful as ever! :)

you wish i'm torn?

I thought I saw a man brought to life. He was warm, he came around like he was dignified. He showed me what it was to cry. Well you couldnt be that man I adored. You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for. But I dont know him anymore. Theres nothing where he used to lie. My conversation has run dry. Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn. Im all out of faith, this is how I feel. Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real. Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. Youre a little late, Im already torn.

So I guess the fortune tellers right. Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light. To crawl beneath my veins and now. I dont care, I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much. Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn. Im all out of faith, this is how I feel. Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real. Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn. Theres nothing where he used to lie. My inspiration has run dry. Thats whats going on, nothings right, Im torn. Im all out of faith, this is how I feel. Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real. Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. Im all out of faith, this is how I feel. Im cold and Im ashamed bound and broken on the floor. Youre a little late, Im already torn.

you wish i will sing this over you? too bad, not a chance.

yes you are late. but im not torn.

current song: torn-natalie imbruglia
current mood: thoughtful.

sapphire and faded jeans.

Three little birds sat on my window and they told me i don't need to worry. Summer came like cinnamon, so sweet. Little girls double-dutch on the concrete. Maybe sometimes we've got it wrong but it's alright. The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same. Oh don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on. Tell me your favourite song. You go ahead, let your hair down. Sapphire and faded jeans, i hope you get your dreams. Just go ahead, let your hair down. You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely. Sipping tea in the bar by the roadside (just relax, just relax) . Don't you let those other boys fool you. Got to love that afro hair do. Maybe sometimes we feel afraid but it's alright. The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change. Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song. You go ahead, let your hair down. Sapphire and faded jeans, i hope you get your dreams. Just go ahead, let your hair down. You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

'Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake. Some nights kept me awake, i thought that i was stronger. When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer? Do what you want to.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song. You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, i hope you get your dreams. Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Oh you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow
(put your records on-C.B.R)


-just like they said; you'll find your feet :)

not myself

Suppose i said, i am on my best behavior. And there are times, i lose my worried mind.
Would you want me when im not myself? Wait it out while i am someone else?

Suppose i said, colors change for no good reason. And words will go from poetry to prose
Would you want me when im not myself? Wait it out while i am someone else?
And i, in time, will come around. I always do for you

Suppose i said, youre my saving grace
Would you want me when im not myself? Wait it out while im someone else?
Would you want me when im not myself? Wait it out while im someone else?

current song: not myself-john mayer
current mood: thoughtful; surrendering

it rained.

why all things should matter if you already have it all? a pastor once said, we only can start to love our lives when we can start to be grateful with what we have.
that is what im struggling with. to be grateful with the things that i haven't noticed i had before; to be grateful for those experiences, mistakes, memories, and those people around me.
especially to forgive those people who hurt you, who back stabbed you, who fake-laughing and fake smiling at you and knowing that they are your close friends. well at least, that's what you think.

but then again, that's life. it is not something good to enjoy, it is not easy and it is very much a struggle. and for that reason, i finally found my firm foundation. and that is where i am now.
i thank Him for that. for every reason He has, in order to get me here, i am so grateful. i have no idea whats going on now. i have no idea whats going on tomorrow.
there were so many things happened lately. i have so many things to worry about today right here right now at this moment. i whined about it. i cried about it. i cursed everyone and everything. i even gave up.

but the time has come, when it rained on me. so hard. so powerful. and it left me breathless. rejoiced. and fully-satisfied. it rained on me.

it is now i realize that i have a journey to walk onto; its not an easy one. it is a journey where i have to decide where my destination is, who to go with, and what are the things that i want to bring along in the journey.

again, im clueless. i need someone to bring the lights to me. i need someone to go with along the way; to walk, to run or to hold hands with.
cos i know theres gonna be dark times; the time when i fall, the time when im too tired of walking, too tired of wandering around and the time when i lost my direction again.
thats when i need the lights. need the presence. need the drink for my thirst. when i need a hand to hold onto.

ive got to be ready, for the time has come. when everything is ready for me. where everything is just beautiful. where everything is just at the right place, the right time; then i will realize that i've found the right person. it is when everything is just perfect they way they are.

and this is where i wanna be. here. only here. when its raining down. so hard.
its getting me ready. and im so ready. and im so ready to be found.

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart
i am never without it, anywherei go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling
i fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet;
i want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant;
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart

ee cummings

more than treasure.

here are those that the everlast admire about :

the lighter - the oldest among the group, the master, the most cheerful one, the one who always give brilliant ideas, the most understanding one, the loudest, the one who always always believe on the power of believing, the one that is always close, the one that stays close, the fearless, the push-overer but also a push-overable, the straight foward, the understanding one, the wild one, the undoubtful one, the eager one, the demander, the one to turn to, the one to rely on, the craziest shopper, the one to turn to, the best.

the cocktail glass - the petite, the second loudest, the sweetest, the unbelievably unbelievable, the hard worker, the heart of gold, the active, the talkative, the lovingly lovely, the smartest, the positive thinker, the best advisor, the undeniably best listener, the self keeper, the glue, the greatest thinker, the selfless one, the forgiving, the faithful, the most caring, the calming, the fun one, the pure kindest, the believer, the giver, the wisest, the on track one, the weak and the strong, the romantic one, the most organized, the best.

the piano - the hottest, the careless, the unjudgemental, the calmest, the listener, the quietest, the unbelieably uncaring, yet the caring one, the nonfaker, the longest known, the undefitable tomboy, the gamer, the egoistic, the most understanding, the wierdest, the one of a kind, the "i do what i want" one, the undiscribalby undiscribeable, the honest one, the other wild one, the other fearless, the every languange translator, the other survivor, the shoulder, the dependable, the secret keeper, the laziest, the best.

the guitar - the youngest, the student, the still in process one, the great artist, the loved by everyone, the reciever, the "kasiaaaan", the unbelievably strong one, the cry-less, the brave one, the quick learner, the good listener, the lighter look a like, the brilliant, the learner, the spoil one, the spoilt one, the asking type, the one of a kind story teller, the good questioner, the dreamer, the sexy legs, the best.

the lighter, the cocktail glass, the piano, the guitar - the ones that the everlast will love for ever and ever, the most important, the most amazing thing, the reason to smile, the reason to give thanks, the enjoyably enjoyable, the comfort, the security, the more than treasure.

the everlast-ing.. us.

(adopted fr. the everlast)

women are from venus, men are from hell.

i cant remember how or where i got that title from. but just so you know, i'm not condemning, not being judgemental to all guys (well, not at all). sorry but in fact, i have to say its true. to every man who reads this, say what you wanna say, argue whatever you can to deny that. TV movies songs radio Internet, well, the whole world tell us that. we're not being judgemental. well, even if we are, we have tried so hard no to be, yet it still happens.


one thing that brought me to this topic is the so-called-MANJAMEL foundation (ci, who made the name? sounds a bit corny hehe) has posted the article on one of the members' blog few days ago, as the result of the so-called-maneater issues happening around. in relation, to share a bit about what has happened or *is currently happening, there are this group of young adults (in the average of 18-26) which is happened to incidentally have almost the SAME drama as the famous TV shows, namely "One Tree Hill" and "The O.C." and oh, plus "The Hills" too. you know those typical drama story when a groups of girls and guys have mingled around since they were young (or at least for few years), they share most of their time together day and night, days by days, years through years; well, in short, they happen to have a circle relationship (i wont define this in details! you, readers, should figure it out yourselves!), which is keep going on and i can say, there is almost no way to stop it. some of them have gone through it and are okay with it whereas somebody else still deals with it and tries hard not to have it again. but well, its undeniable. they all brought up in the same place, went to the same schools, in the same circle of friends, hang around with the same crowd, the exact same places (blame it to the governors, businessmen, investors for being incompetent, not creative, and careless to build new places! -sorry, that's kinda out of topic. hehe-), plus, some of their parents also know each other.


anyway, my point is that circle relationship is not always bad. depends on how you see it and get used to the fact that it might bring you to the situation where you have to see your ex(s) is(are) seeing one of your friends. depends on how deep you would go for it. especially with the fact that guys could be heartless and so much careless about our feeling, just dont dig too deep if you dont want to get yourself buried in the hole. it is just about you being ready with the drama. well, i hope that this thing wont continue to the next level (if you know what i mean). i've had it enough with the 'real' One Tree Hill, The O.C., or The Hills. i dont want to watch another wisteria lane drama. especially, be involved in it.

*sigh
drama. drama. drama. people are never too tired for that.

perfection is imperfect.

we are perfectly imperfect.

i'm sure we all know that we dont deserve any kind of perfection even tough we all want to be perfect and try so damn hard to be perfect. but in fact, the more we want to be perfect, the more we will suffer. in my opinion, there's no such things as perfection. the thoughts of perfection might have slipped through our mind, but its just from the head to the mouth; it doesnt mean that we have achieved it. taking actions toward perfection is good, but lets leave the pressure behind.


most times, we are entirely sure that we are doing the right thing. we think we already have enough time to run everything. one important thing is that timing is everything. we can do the right thing anytime. but it will be a lot better if we do it on the right time as well. as a suggestion, never use to many maybes. make up your mind. for that reason, we should be really careful with what we're asking for cos we might not be able to take it back. sometimes we feel so confident (even over-confident) in what we're doing,that often times, we hardly think of what or who we get ourselves into. until we can be sure enough to figure out whats behind it, im sure that is the right time to start our walk. as for myself, i still find it so hard to be skeptical in everything im involved into. yes, it is not easy to face the fact that not all people will like what you are doing, not all people will be happy for our accomplishment, or even to sense that they are all fake-smiling when they congratulate you. people are mean. (well, we are mean, too). its a sad truth. but the great truth is that we should put on our expectation, our own boundaries, our border lines, considering that we can surely look deeply through it. high expectation is indeed to be set aside.

the bottom line is to do what our heart says. our conscience is always there to tell you when to stop or keep going on. you just have to pay more attention to that voice in your heart, not in your head. (my point is to be aware with what we heard as we are easily influenced or even corrupted by it). cos most times, the voice in our head is the voice of ego, which often poison our mind with the things we think we want and strive to achieve it, sometimes without considering any consequences.

try to do the things we've loved to do. dont think too much abt people's judgement. they're not your judges! the heck of those people. they dont know you. most of them are all posers. they think they can go through everything you've been through if they were you. in fact, most times they wont be able to do so. but as im writing this for someone, im sure she knows that i dont mean to judge all those posers. (argh! i just wrote POSERS-which is the sign that i've judge them. haha. but anyway, its totally normal cos i am a poser too. in fact, we are all posers and big liars, aren't we?). we cant even accept our wrongs and try so hard to prove that we're not. *look down in shame

so anyway, my point is to take your time to discover yourself through the people around you and the things you've been through. look, search, seek deeper and harder, and try to be more skeptical and sensitive to the things around us by being critical with people, issues, and our conscience, as a good way to improve ourselves. then, we can gradually discover ourselves throughout the process.
*the more we want it fast, the less we got the benefit.

i'm so thankful to one of my friend (and my other friends) that has inspired me so much with her (their) experiences. it helps me a lot as i discover a lot of myself through her (them). Love you!
*smiling blissfully

*we are all drama queens. agree?

amanda natalia.

dearest home.

i miss home. so bad. what i can think of at this moment is only home. it brings me to those memories when everything was just as simple as it could be, like nothing really serious will affect your life. i miss thinking and worrying about nonsense things like i did back then in high school. it was so deadly funny when i read back my high school journal few days ago. i found out that i did think and wrote nonsense about what i feared of. well, its funny cos most of them didnt actually happen. yes, i did think too much. in fact, i still do. it has to stop. i know.



i just deleted a long paragraph of this blog cos i wrote about crappy things. i shouldnt. i really really feel like writing nonstop but i know that i will definitely write about emo stuff which again, i shouldnt. Haahhh *take a deep breath, i need a break. seriously. but this is not a good time, i know. finals coming soon and im tired of the fact that i have to go through that rough days and crappy sleepless nights again. *sigh



actually this is the perfect time to say "i wish things could be different". *sigh -again! but yeah, i wish so too. as i was listening to Starring at the sun by Rooster and Dare you to move by Switchfoot when i was writing this, it came to my mind that whining will not help me to go through this. as Jon Foreman sings, "i dare you to move, i dare you to live yourself up off the floor", i feel so relieved.

and just for info, these songs have a great lyrics and "The Beautiful Letdown" album is really great. i love Jon Foreman (Switchfoot vocalist); he said "Eventually everything fails me, but when I look at the sunset or the sky, I'm reminded what it's like to be alive. My friends, there is a big difference between the way this world should be and the way it is." it wakes me up as i read it. i've lost my inspiration in life. i want it back.

i want my inspiration back.
(i sigh too many times)

summer 07

.this is beaver.

what a week!

my dear dear friends came to KL and spent the whole week here. *the best week! as a matter of fact, that was our dream few years back, and it just happened!

it was tiring but the best summer ever! the morning the afternoon the evening seemed never end, but well, reality wakes me up. as i open my eyes the morning after they left, theres no more squeezed sleep, loaded room, and snoring people. and now, here i am with my boring daily activities. i miss that week; i miss the gossip, the peptalk, the make-over, the movie, the shopping, the clubbing, the dance, the drinks, the karaoke, and those guys. i wish they could stay longer. cos we havent found that perfect-asian face guy yet (my Jacob and jan's andrew). haha *estel, jan, mei, i know u guys are smiling now. =)


i wanna thank estel, jane, mei, and medi for the in credible time together. i had so much fun! and for the beaver too! i know u guys got it by accident. haha. well, i am terribly sorry for the poor little turtle which wasnt chosen. hehe. but i love my beaver. thx guys!
cant wait to go back to medan. i miss my hometown, mamipapi, my one and only gank =), my friends, my church, my school, my court, the fabulous food ever! cant wait!

thanks, guys for making this summer so much memorable to me. i would never forget this summer. ehm, or maybe i could! if we spend our summer together again every year! =)

cant wait!

Been away for quite some time. busy with assignments, meetings, parents, shopping, and lots and lots and lots of thoughts. i guess i think too much. which i regret sometimes.

anyway, my parents are here. yay! for two weeks. how i miss them! they promised me to come here since Chi's new year, and finally they're here. and that means shopping time is coming! hehe. today is their 9th day here, and i got quite a lot of new stuff. hehe.

*It's us-the petite girls, two members missing!

WOHOO!!! guess what?? june 6th is coming!! yay!! =D happy happy happy! i'm gonna meet janice in 3 days! *all excited!! you cant imagine how much i miss her. and the next day, june 7th, estel and madeline are coming as well. oh, what a week! i'm gonna have so so much fun! =)

Oh you dont know how much i miss them. i miss our times. i miss doing nothing with them. i miss our movie-marathon time. i miss our swimming time. i miss out 'soto yose rizal' time. and our 'merdeka walk' time. i miss watching basketball games with them. i miss screaming super-loud when watching the guys in the court. i miss the sleepovers. i miss the peptalk time. i miss the singing-superloud-in-the-car time. i miss crying and whining to them. i miss having boring times with them-- cos its never boring! i miss hanging out with them all day long. again, all day long! hehe.

well, cant wait to see them! have lots and lots and lots of stuff to do with them.

happy happy happy happy happy happy happy!

when i go down

i'll tell you flat out, it hurts so much to think of this. so from my thoughts i will exclude.
the very thing that i hate more than everything is the way i'm powerless to dictate my own mood.

i've thrown away so many things that could've been much more. and i just pray, my problems go away if they're ignored. but thats not the way it works. no thats not the way it works.

when i go down, i go down hard. and i take everything i've learned and teach myself some disregard. when i go down, it hurts to hit the bottom. and of the things that got me here, i think, if only i had fought them.

if and when i can clear myself of this clouded mind. i'll watch myself settle down. into a place where peace can search me out and find that i'm so ready to be found.

i've thrown a way the hope i had in friendships. i've thrown away so many things that could've been much more. i've thrown away the secret to find an end to this. and i just pray, my problems go away if they're ignored. but thats not the way it works. no thats not the way it works.

any control i thought i had just slips right through my hands. while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimends me. then and there i confess. i'll blame all this on my selfishness. yet you love me. and that consumes me. and i'll stand up again and do so willingly.
you give me hope, and hope it gives me life. you touched my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light. as i exhale i hear your voice. and i answer you, though i hardly make a noise. and from my lips the words i choose to say, seem pathetic, but its a fallen man's praise. because i love you. yes, God i love you. and life is now worth living, if only because of you.

when i go down, i lift my eyes to you. i wont look very far, cause you'll be there with open arms to lift me up again. to lift me up again.

Relient K.

*that would describe all =)

Why ladies today are still single!

Top reasons why ladies today are still SINGLE:

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nicemen, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, some what nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice, and have some money, and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO UNDERSTANDS MEN?
"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT! [OMG]

hahaha

a simple thing that counts

hi everyone,
this is my first blog. i dont really know what to write now but i'll try. since i have lots of dilemmas and major headache lately (i blame you -u know who!haha), plus someone says its fun. so why dont i just start one?

i am amanda natalia. just an ordinary 18 year-old girl from a small but lovable town in Indonesia-Medan, currently living in KL -big, busy and hectic town. its fun for the 1st month but as time goes by, i have to admit that it wasnt easy for me, and as well as other people i guess. but life should go on, right? i notice that sometimes we just dont dare to move on and try new things and be at the new places with new challenges with the fact that we're already too comfortable with what and where we are. we cant choose to be with the people we love all the time, right? again, its all about choices. Life is too short to not live for something bigger, right?

well, life's been great! thank God for that. =)

one thing that my very best friend-janice said to me,
"Life doesnt consist of having good cards, but playing those you have well. hold on tight."

its so right, jane! im so grateful that you know me so well! =)

anyway, its so late now. will catch up with this later ok?
gotta go sleep and get ready to scream out for Good Charlotte tomorrow =D

adios
amanda