perfection is imperfect.

we are perfectly imperfect.

i'm sure we all know that we dont deserve any kind of perfection even tough we all want to be perfect and try so damn hard to be perfect. but in fact, the more we want to be perfect, the more we will suffer. in my opinion, there's no such things as perfection. the thoughts of perfection might have slipped through our mind, but its just from the head to the mouth; it doesnt mean that we have achieved it. taking actions toward perfection is good, but lets leave the pressure behind.


most times, we are entirely sure that we are doing the right thing. we think we already have enough time to run everything. one important thing is that timing is everything. we can do the right thing anytime. but it will be a lot better if we do it on the right time as well. as a suggestion, never use to many maybes. make up your mind. for that reason, we should be really careful with what we're asking for cos we might not be able to take it back. sometimes we feel so confident (even over-confident) in what we're doing,that often times, we hardly think of what or who we get ourselves into. until we can be sure enough to figure out whats behind it, im sure that is the right time to start our walk. as for myself, i still find it so hard to be skeptical in everything im involved into. yes, it is not easy to face the fact that not all people will like what you are doing, not all people will be happy for our accomplishment, or even to sense that they are all fake-smiling when they congratulate you. people are mean. (well, we are mean, too). its a sad truth. but the great truth is that we should put on our expectation, our own boundaries, our border lines, considering that we can surely look deeply through it. high expectation is indeed to be set aside.

the bottom line is to do what our heart says. our conscience is always there to tell you when to stop or keep going on. you just have to pay more attention to that voice in your heart, not in your head. (my point is to be aware with what we heard as we are easily influenced or even corrupted by it). cos most times, the voice in our head is the voice of ego, which often poison our mind with the things we think we want and strive to achieve it, sometimes without considering any consequences.

try to do the things we've loved to do. dont think too much abt people's judgement. they're not your judges! the heck of those people. they dont know you. most of them are all posers. they think they can go through everything you've been through if they were you. in fact, most times they wont be able to do so. but as im writing this for someone, im sure she knows that i dont mean to judge all those posers. (argh! i just wrote POSERS-which is the sign that i've judge them. haha. but anyway, its totally normal cos i am a poser too. in fact, we are all posers and big liars, aren't we?). we cant even accept our wrongs and try so hard to prove that we're not. *look down in shame

so anyway, my point is to take your time to discover yourself through the people around you and the things you've been through. look, search, seek deeper and harder, and try to be more skeptical and sensitive to the things around us by being critical with people, issues, and our conscience, as a good way to improve ourselves. then, we can gradually discover ourselves throughout the process.
*the more we want it fast, the less we got the benefit.

i'm so thankful to one of my friend (and my other friends) that has inspired me so much with her (their) experiences. it helps me a lot as i discover a lot of myself through her (them). Love you!
*smiling blissfully

*we are all drama queens. agree?

amanda natalia.

dearest home.

i miss home. so bad. what i can think of at this moment is only home. it brings me to those memories when everything was just as simple as it could be, like nothing really serious will affect your life. i miss thinking and worrying about nonsense things like i did back then in high school. it was so deadly funny when i read back my high school journal few days ago. i found out that i did think and wrote nonsense about what i feared of. well, its funny cos most of them didnt actually happen. yes, i did think too much. in fact, i still do. it has to stop. i know.



i just deleted a long paragraph of this blog cos i wrote about crappy things. i shouldnt. i really really feel like writing nonstop but i know that i will definitely write about emo stuff which again, i shouldnt. Haahhh *take a deep breath, i need a break. seriously. but this is not a good time, i know. finals coming soon and im tired of the fact that i have to go through that rough days and crappy sleepless nights again. *sigh



actually this is the perfect time to say "i wish things could be different". *sigh -again! but yeah, i wish so too. as i was listening to Starring at the sun by Rooster and Dare you to move by Switchfoot when i was writing this, it came to my mind that whining will not help me to go through this. as Jon Foreman sings, "i dare you to move, i dare you to live yourself up off the floor", i feel so relieved.

and just for info, these songs have a great lyrics and "The Beautiful Letdown" album is really great. i love Jon Foreman (Switchfoot vocalist); he said "Eventually everything fails me, but when I look at the sunset or the sky, I'm reminded what it's like to be alive. My friends, there is a big difference between the way this world should be and the way it is." it wakes me up as i read it. i've lost my inspiration in life. i want it back.

i want my inspiration back.
(i sigh too many times)

summer 07

.this is beaver.

what a week!

my dear dear friends came to KL and spent the whole week here. *the best week! as a matter of fact, that was our dream few years back, and it just happened!

it was tiring but the best summer ever! the morning the afternoon the evening seemed never end, but well, reality wakes me up. as i open my eyes the morning after they left, theres no more squeezed sleep, loaded room, and snoring people. and now, here i am with my boring daily activities. i miss that week; i miss the gossip, the peptalk, the make-over, the movie, the shopping, the clubbing, the dance, the drinks, the karaoke, and those guys. i wish they could stay longer. cos we havent found that perfect-asian face guy yet (my Jacob and jan's andrew). haha *estel, jan, mei, i know u guys are smiling now. =)


i wanna thank estel, jane, mei, and medi for the in credible time together. i had so much fun! and for the beaver too! i know u guys got it by accident. haha. well, i am terribly sorry for the poor little turtle which wasnt chosen. hehe. but i love my beaver. thx guys!
cant wait to go back to medan. i miss my hometown, mamipapi, my one and only gank =), my friends, my church, my school, my court, the fabulous food ever! cant wait!

thanks, guys for making this summer so much memorable to me. i would never forget this summer. ehm, or maybe i could! if we spend our summer together again every year! =)

cant wait!

Been away for quite some time. busy with assignments, meetings, parents, shopping, and lots and lots and lots of thoughts. i guess i think too much. which i regret sometimes.

anyway, my parents are here. yay! for two weeks. how i miss them! they promised me to come here since Chi's new year, and finally they're here. and that means shopping time is coming! hehe. today is their 9th day here, and i got quite a lot of new stuff. hehe.

*It's us-the petite girls, two members missing!

WOHOO!!! guess what?? june 6th is coming!! yay!! =D happy happy happy! i'm gonna meet janice in 3 days! *all excited!! you cant imagine how much i miss her. and the next day, june 7th, estel and madeline are coming as well. oh, what a week! i'm gonna have so so much fun! =)

Oh you dont know how much i miss them. i miss our times. i miss doing nothing with them. i miss our movie-marathon time. i miss our swimming time. i miss out 'soto yose rizal' time. and our 'merdeka walk' time. i miss watching basketball games with them. i miss screaming super-loud when watching the guys in the court. i miss the sleepovers. i miss the peptalk time. i miss the singing-superloud-in-the-car time. i miss crying and whining to them. i miss having boring times with them-- cos its never boring! i miss hanging out with them all day long. again, all day long! hehe.

well, cant wait to see them! have lots and lots and lots of stuff to do with them.

happy happy happy happy happy happy happy!